


Blow Smoke Rings 'til We Have A Halo

by orphan_account



Category: Christian Bible
Genre: Break Up, Fallen Angels, Lies, M/M, Player!Lucifer, Spicy Peppers, emotionally abusive relationship, guacamole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 23:29:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5604979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what.  what the fRICK.  I'm so TIRED.  </p><p>the title is from Fall Into These Arms by New Politics because fallen angels !  i wanted to write a fic based on that, but then, guacamole and sleep deprivation combined to produce a crack fic.  maybe if someone else wants to write one that's not crap, they could let me know, so i can read it.  my feet are cold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blow Smoke Rings 'til We Have A Halo

Gabriel stare at Michael.  "Baby," he whispered, "I know the recipe calls for ghost peppers, but isn't there another way?  Can't we find a-"

"No, we can't use a substitute.  I'm sorry, Gabriel, but I'm afraid this is the only way.  The guacamole needs to be spicy, and it needs ghost peppers, and there are no ghost peppers in Heaven.  Angels don't have access to 'em.  It's just that simple, baby."

Gabriel sighed.  "I-"

"Shh," Michael said.  He walked over and caressed Gabriel's cheek with his thumb.  "You know I wouldn't make you do this if you didn't need to, right?"

"Yeah," Gabriel mumbled.  "Can you hand me a knife?"

Michael pulled away and handed Gabriel one of the sharp knives.  

"Will- will you wash the dishes while I'm away?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."  Gabriel sighed and then BAM BAM CUT CUT PAIN PAIN OH NO GRACE IS GONE.

Suddenly, Gabriel started falling!  [but what did you think was gonna happen after he literally ripped out his grace?]

Gabriel felt like something was wrong.  Definitely wrong.  He was falling too quickly.  He knew it was supposed to be fast, but this was  _too_ fast.  Suddenly, he felt the air around him get warmer.  Oh, God, it was so hot.  It was hotter than him, he thought.  Hotter than the ghost peppers he needed to get.

The air whistled in his ears.  He was getting closer to the ground.  Dang, this impact was going to hurt like a motherfricker.  

Then again, Gabriel was quite fond of a little pain every now and then.  He shut his eyes and began screaming.  "Asdfghjkkaaaa-"

Suddenly, Gabriel came in contact with the ground- oh, no, that was definitely not the ground.  That was too squishy.  Not to mention the fact that it was too warm.  "Huh?" he mumbled.

"Looks like you're falling for me, dude."

Gabriel opened his eyes and saw Lucifer.  "Frick!" he screamed.  "I was only supposed to go to Earth!  I- I needed ghost peppers-"

"No, baby, you fell too quickly for that.  You've fallen straight into Hell," Lucifer said.

"More like I've fallen gay into Hell," Gabriel said.

"Oh, everyone's a little gay down here, baby."

"Damn straight."

"Damn gay."

Lucifer chuckled and set Gabriel on the ground. He sat down next to him and rested his chin on his hands. "So," he said, "what do you want to do?"

"What?"

"It's been ages since I've seen someone like me. What should we do?"

"Are you suggesting-"

"Only if you are."

Gabriel shook his head and stood up. "No," he said. "Definitely not. I only came for peppers.  You- you kill people! I shouldn't even be talking to you!"

"Oh, but you kill people, too, remember?"

"Yeah, but after you kill them, you kill them again, and again, and again, and again-"

"Well, how else are they going to stay dead?"

"I only kill people because of you-"

"Because of me?" Lucifer laughed. "Really? Me? How flattering."

Gabriel opened his mouth and then closed it. "*potato* it," he hissed before tackling Lucifer to the ground and starting to make out with him. 

Suddenly, there was a loud crash. Lucifer threw Gabriel off of him and stood up hurriedly. "Gabriel!" he shouted exaggeratedly. "How on earth- sorry, on Hell- could you just kiss and seduce me like that?"

"Huh?" Gabriel looked at who Lucifer was talking to. He gasped. Frick, it was Jesus!

"I believe he belongs to me, Lucifer," Jesus said.

"I believe he doesn't."

"I believe he does."

"I believe that what you believe isn't true."

"I believe you're an *potato*hole."

"I believe you should go *potato* yourself."

"I believe you wish I'd do that."

"I believe you wish that I would do that to you."

"I believe that's impossible because I obviously top."

"I believe that is incorrect."

"I believe you're an unfathomably attractive being who needs to get inside of my pants right now."

"I believe you are correct."

Gabriel coughed and stood up. "I believe this is disgusting, and I'm leaving."

Lucifer chucked Gabriel's grace at him and began making out with Jesus. *potato*.  Gabriel sighed and did the thing where he put the gracey angely stuff back inside of himself. nice.

Suddenly, Gabriel was back in Heaven!  He gasped.  Thank God!

Gabriel squeaked when someone tackled him to the ground.  It was Michael!  

"Did you get the peppers?" Michael asked.

"I-"

Michael's eyes went cold.  "You didn't."

"I- no.  I'm sorry-"

Michael laughed.  He got up and walked away.  "Save it," he called over his shoulder.

Gabriel stared at Michael as he walked away.  Maybe he didn't love Michael.  Maybe he loved who Michael had been years ago, but maybe that wasn't the Michael that was here now.  

Suddenly, about ten billion ghost peppers fell from the sky.  Gabriel looked down.  "Thanks," he said.

Maybe Michael was an *potato*hole, and maybe it had taken Gabriel several trillion years to figure it out, but now that he had, things would be different.

Very, very different.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all should put stuff in the Lightsaber Dildos collection. we can talk and stuff, and i can see what your writing styles are like, and it'll be such fun. aH


End file.
